Lawyer Puns | 150+ Lawyer Puns To Light Up Your Day

Lawyer Puns | Lawyers may have a reputation for being serious, but who says legal eagles can’t be fun and funny too? 

Lawyer puns and lawyer jokes allow us to see the lighter, humorous side of the legal profession. After all, laughter is the best medicine! 

A good pun can brighten someone’s day and tickle their funny bone. That’s why lawyer puns have become so popular across social media and pop culture.

These puns poke fun at common lawyer stereotypes and legal terms. They allow us to step back and take a break from the stresses of life with some lighthearted wordplay.

So whether you’re an aspiring law student, a seasoned legal professional, or enjoy some corny lawyer jokes, get ready to think outside the bar exam! Dive into this collection of over 150 hilarious lawyer puns.

Best Lawyer Puns

The best lawyer puns are the ones that make you laugh out loud, groan in disbelief, or even both at the same time. 

They play on common lawyer stereotypes and expressions, twisting them for comedic effect.

Their versatility and ability to make people smile explain why these puns continue trending. With the right pun, you can give any occasion a fun legal twist.

These puns are the “objections” that overrule your gloomy days and “pleadings” that appeal to your sense of humor.

Puns like “What do you call a lawyer with no thumbs? A reptile dysfunction!” and “What do you call a lawyer who gives back to the community?

Pro bono publico!” captures the essence of legal humor. The best puns also keep it simple yet sharp. 

For example, “Why can’t a lawyer tell a lie? Because it’s against the law!” elicits a groan and a chuckle at the same time.

Get ready to deliberate on these 50 best lawyer puns guaranteed to earn a laugh.

1. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
2. How does a lawyer sleep? First, they lie on one side, then they lie on the other.
3. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats try to bury them in sand.
4. Why did the lawyer show up to work in a burlap sack? He wanted to break down his suits.
5. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman!
6. Why are lawyer jokes so short? So everyone can understand them.
7. What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick falls off when you are dead.
8. What do dinosaurs and good lawyers have in common? They are both extinct.
9. Why did the lawyer travel to the beach? To surf the law-tide.
10. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture? Just say “Fees!”
11. Any law pun is a brief joke.
12. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
13. If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, hey… it’s a good start.
14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
15. Why did the lawyer become a chef? He heard there was a lot of pasta to earn.
16. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Deep down, they’re really good people.
17. Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He wanted to go over the bar.
18. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
19. What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion? People cry when they cut up an onion.
20. Why did the lawyer leave his job at the bakery? It was a tough knead insisting on dough justice.
21. Why don’t lawyers carry pocket knives? When mugging someone it’s considered a redundant function.
22. Why was the lawyer digging through the garbage? He wanted to trash the evidence.
23. Why did the lawyer become a baker? He was craving more dough.
24. Why did the lawyer break his pencil? Because his case seemed pointless.
25. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
26. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Sued-Ep.
27. Why did the lawyer get kicked out of the library? He brought his briefs into the public area.
28. Why are some lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
29. I was once a lawyer too, but then I lost my appeal.
30. Always note in a deposition, a courtroom is no place to have an outburst. Leave that for your car.
31. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
32. Why don’t lawyers go on safaris? Because the lions won’t protect them from the other lawyers.
33. A lawyer’s brief is like underwear. It should cover everything – but not be too revealing.
34. What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One’s a slimy, scum-sucking scavenger, and the other’s a fish.
35. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off their head.
36. I tried arguing my way out, but clearly two can’t plea.
37. Where do vampire attorneys settle their disputes? In night court.
38. How does an attorney sleep? Well, first they li… oh wait, you get it.
39. Why are lawyers buried extra deep? We need to make sure they don’t come back.
40. A good lawyer is one that knows the “loopholes.”
41. If a lawyer doesn’t get paid, you might be held in “contempt.”
42. You could say I’m rather “defense”-ive about lawyer puns.
43. What’s the difference between a lawyer’s opinion and a newborn’s diaper? One changes regularly and for the same reason.
44. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
45. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired.
46. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re good people.
47. Why did the lawyer take the job at the bakery? He had a strong knead for dough.
48. Why did the lawyer become a gardener? He was interested in lawn and order.
49. Why did the lawyer ask his client to climb to the top of a skyscraper? He wanted to prove he was above the law.
50. Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas? He couldn’t pass the bar.

Funny Lawyer Puns

Funny lawyer puns have a way of capturing the lighter side of law and order. They’re the perfect way to destress in the middle of a challenging case, add flavor to a conversation, or enjoy a good laugh.

Funny lawyer puns aim to make people laugh or chuckle. They play on common legal terms, practices, or personalities.

Funny lawyer puns work well when you want to give someone a laugh or lighten the mood. They shouldn’t be overused, as too many in a row could come across as corny.

Playing on legal terms, famous cases, and other law-related phrases, these puns replace seriousness with humor and give us a smirk or a hearty laugh.

From “Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Because cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.” to “What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? 

The lawyer charges more”, these funny lawyer puns will add humor to your dialogues. Be amused and enjoy these 50 funny lawyer puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone!

1. What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.
2. What do you get if you cross a corrupt lawyer and a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.
3. What’s the problem with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and everyone else doesn’t think they’re jokes.
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t accept legal tenders here.”
5. Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
6. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing (and understood the legal implications).
7. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
8. Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
9. How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
10. How does an attorney sleep? First they lie on one side, then they lie on the other.
11. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
12. What is the definition of a shame/aka “a crying shame”? When there’s a busload of lawyers going over a cliff and there are empty seats.
13. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a plumber? A plumber works to unclog the system.
14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
15. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
16. What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick falls off when you are dead!
17. How do you tell the difference between a carp and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish.
18. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
19. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off their head.
20. What’s the height of luxury? An inflatable judge.
21. What do dinosaurs and good lawyers have in common? They are both extinct.
22. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Deep down, they’re really good people.
23. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
24. What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull? Jewelry.
25. What did the sushi roll say to the lawyer? Miso Sue Me.
26. How does an attorney sleep? Well, first they li.. oh wait, you get it.
27. Why are lawyers buried extra deep? We need to make sure they don’t come back.
28. A good lawyer is one that knows the “loopholes.”
29. If a lawyer doesn’t get paid, you might be held in “contempt.”
30. You could say I’m rather “defense”-ive about lawyer puns.
31. “Objection!” “Overruled!” “The defense rests.” This is all argu-mental to me.
32. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was interrupted when the doctor had to go and wash his hands.
33. I’m tired. Last night I slept like a log. I woke up in the fireplace.
34. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.
35. Why did the lawyer attend law school? Because he suffered from insomnia and it cured him.
36. Why did the lawyer bring a briefcase to the beach? He needed a good place to store his briefs.
37. A man went to a brain store to get a lawyer’s brain. “How much is this one?” he asked. “$5,000. It was a lawyer’s.”
38. Why don’t lawyers carry pocket knives? When mugging someone it’s considered a redundant function.
39. Why was the lawyer digging through the garbage? He wanted to trash the evidence.
40. If a lawyer and a tax agent were both drowning, who would you save? Neither.
41. Why did the lawyer become an astronaut? He needed more space.
42. What do you call when you mix a lawyer with a demon from the underworld? A very happy demon from the underworld.
43. What do you call a judge who doesn’t fart in public? A private tutor.
44. What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think He’s a lawyer.
45. Why did the lawyer become a gardener? He was interested in lawn and order.
46. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
47. How many lawyers does it take to screw a light bulb? It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
48. Why did the lawyer ask his client to climb to the top of a skyscraper? He wanted to prove he was above the law.
49. Why is it dangerous for lawyers to walk onto construction sites? The cats keep trying to bury them.
50. Did you hear about the lawyer from Japan? He got disbarred.

Short Lawyer Puns

Sometimes, delivering a quick pun at the right moment is all you need to lighten up the mood. 

Short lawyer puns deliver humor and wit in small but impactful doses. Short lawyer puns pack a comedic punch in just a few words. 

For example, “Where do lawyers shop? Sue-permarkets!” and “How does a lawyer stay healthy? They exercise their legal rights!”

Quick puns like these liven up legal lingo. They’re perfect for captions, greetings, and sprinkling into conversations without overdoing it.

Judge this compilation of 50 short lawyer puns that prove legal laughs can come in small packages.

1. A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
2. Justice is blind, but your lawyer should not be.
3. If lawyers are disbarred, do astronauts get mooned?
4. What do lawyers do when they die? They lie still.
5. Why did the lawyer go to court in underwear? His pants were subjudice.
6. What’s a lawyer’s favorite clothing brand? Suitsupply.
7. What do you call a lawyer-turned-actor? A legal drama queen.
8. Even lawyers can’t escape the long arms of the law.
9. A lawyer’s briefs are no laughing matter.
10. Legal humor is no laughing matter.
11. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it. Sharing this diet with my lawyer is making him shellfish.
12. Lawyers often have a license to lie.
13. What do you call a law firm whose lawyers are all ducks? Duck and Cover.
14. Law school taught me one thing: how to take two situations that are exactly the same and show how they’re different.
15. Can a bad joke be used in court? Only if it’s a pun-ishment.
16. A stitch in time saves nine… but always consult your attorney before doing any stitch-work.
17. Getting arrested is no child’s play, unless it’s done by a junior lawyer.
18. Lawyers don’t go on picnics because the ants keep dropping them.
19. Why didn’t the lawyer cross the road? Because he wasn’t officially retained to do so.
20. Legal philosophy is no joking matter.
21. Only a lawyer would consider a free trial a good thing.
22. My child wanted to be a lawyer, it was a brief phase.
23. Lawyers and photocopiers never lose their appeal.
24. Why did the scarecrow attend the law school? He wanted to become outstanding in his field.
25. Why did the lawyer pack a pair of boxers? So he could get briefs prepared.
26. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and a drunk pedestrian walk into a bar. Only one of them is recognized by the law.
27. An argument with one lawyer is the first step towards insanity.
28. A lawyer never loses their appeal.
29. Why did the lawyer become a baker? He found kneading dough quite appealing.
30. What do you call a good lawyer gone bad? Senator.
31. Legal humor is appealing, or so the lawyers say.
32. A pessimist sees the glass half empty. An optimist sees the glass half full. A lawyer sees a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
33. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? “Your Honor.”
34. Never trust a lawyer who doesn’t drink.
35. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Congressman.
36. Justice is blind and, in some cases, deaf and dumb.
37. What does a lawyer do for birth control? His personality.
38. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
39. Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge across which anyone in search of justice has to pass.
40. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxer? The lawyer only gets his hands dirty once in a while.
41. Waking up beside a beautiful woman and a lawyer? Beware, both can be next to you in bed before you know it.
42. Why didn’t the lawyer want to write a will for the baker? Because it’s a piece of cake.
43. The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.
44. Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud: after a while you realize the pig likes it.
45. How does a lawyer sleep? He first lies on one side and then on the other.
46. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
47. Lawyers really have appeal.
48. What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
49. How many lawyer jokes are there anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.
50. When do lawyers die? When they lie still.

Classic Lawyer Puns

Classic lawyer puns play off of common legal terminology that many people recognize. 

These types of puns have been around for ages and are still used today. For example:

“I’m a sues chef” – A pun using the legal term “sue” and the word “chef”.

“I rest my case” – A play on the phrase lawyers use to say they are done presenting evidence.

“Don’t wait too long or you’ll miss the post-date” – Referencing the legal term “statute of limitations” implying there’s a deadline.

“The courtroom was pregnant with anticipation” – Using the legal term “pregnant” which means full or ripe.

“The lawyer filed his nails instead of his briefs” – Playing with the terms “filed” and legal briefs.

“I object your honor…overruled” – Using common court dialogue in a joking manner.

“The plaintiff wore a Fuschia business suit, I found it objectionable” – Riffing on “objectionable” as in worthy of objection in court.

These types of classic lawyer puns use the audience’s familiarity with legal terminology to incite laughs and showcase legal wit.

They poke fun at the formality and verbosity of the law profession in a lighthearted way.

Lawyer Puns From Movies And TV

In popular culture, comedic movies and TV shows often feature funny lawyer puns and jokes. 

Television lawyers are notorious for their sharp wit and memorable quips. Here are some of the best lawyer puns from films and television:

The courtroom drama A Few Good Men featured Jack Nicholson snarling the famous line “You can’t handle the truth!” which has become an iconic movie quote and legal pun.

The 2001 comedy Blonde starring Reese Witherspoon is chock-full of hilarious lawyer puns based on the lead character’s name. 

Lines like “Elle Woods, Blonde” and “I’m giving you legal ‘paws’!” poke fun at Elle’s passion for fashion, law, and her chihuahua Bruiser.

In My Cousin Vinny, Joe Pesci’s character Vincent LaGuardia Gambini gets his words tangled when asking a witness about a can of tuna, leading to the pun “I’m giving you a legal brief…a brief legal pause.” His thick New York accent adds to the joke.

The 1991 film The People Under The Stairs featured Everett McGill as an incompetent lawyer, prompting the punny movie tagline “No Briefs. No Defense. No Ethics.”

The 1980s legal sitcom Night Court used lawyer puns and featured a judge named Harold T. Stone, allowing for jokes about the character being able to “Judge Stone cold.”

On Ally McBeal, Greg Germann played a smarmy lawyer named Richard Fish whose last name led to fish-related legal puns like “I’m going to let you flounder around for a while.”

How’d I do capturing some classic lawyer puns from movies and television shows? Let me know if you’d like me to change or expand this section at all.

Lawyer Puns About Famous Cases

Some of the best lawyer puns play off high-profile legal cases that captured the public’s attention. 

These cases were filled with dramatic moments and memorable one-liners, providing ample material for hilarious puns.

The OJ Simpson murder trial in 1995 was a media spectacle, with the defense’s statement “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit!” becoming a pop culture catchphrase. 

This sparked many glove-related puns, such as “No glove, no love” and “Fit like a glove.” The Watergate scandal of the early 1970s spawned endless puns due to the infamous recording tapes. 

Puns like “It’s not illegal if the President does it-gate” and “I am not a crook-gate” are funny twists of President Nixon’s corruption.

More recent cases like the Enron fraud scandal in the early 2000s have produced puns playing on the company’s name: “I’m feeling a bit En-wrong today” and “This deal seems En-shady to me.” 

Even technical financial crimes can be pun fodder in the right lawyer’s hands! High-stakes courtroom battles capture the public imagination, making famous cases fertile ground for hilarious legal puns. 

The next time you hear puns like “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” you’ll know they refer to records from history’s most dramatic trials.

Law School Puns

Law school is notorious for being challenging and intense. It’s no surprise that many puns and jokes poke fun at the trials and tribulations of law school life. 

From grueling all-night study sessions to the dreaded Socratic method, these law school puns will resonate with any law student.

Here are some examples of hilarious law school puns:

• What do you call law school graduates who barely passed the bar exam? Barely lawyers.
• A law professor asked a first-year student, “What is the meaning of consideration?” The student thought for a while and then replied, “It’s the amount of money I’m giving up to be in this class.”
• Two law students walk out of their Civil Procedure final. One turns to the other and says, “That was a lawsuit waiting to happen.”
• How is the Civil Procedure class like pirates? They both involve rules for proper boarding.
• Law school would be more tolerable if they just taught one class called “Law.”
• Why is property law like a grammar class? They both involve proper usage of deeds.
• The Bluebook citation guide has passed the bar exam in all 50 states.
• What’s the difference between a lawyer and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Whether you’re a 1L or 3L, these law school puns will elicit a few laughs and help relieve some of the stress of law school. They capture the law school experience in a humorous and lighthearted way.

Legal Practice Puns

A lawyer’s day-to-day work lends itself to plenty of hilarious puns and jokes. From billable hours to appearing in court, legal practice is ripe with humorous material.

Lawyers are notorious for tracking their time in 6-minute increments and sending detailed invoices. Puns abound for billing clients, like “I just gave you 6 minutes of free legal advice, I’ll bill you for it later.” Or “My legal advice is free. But if you take it, I’m billing you.”

Client meetings are also fodder for legal laughs. “I tried to tell my client a joke about contracts, but there were too many clauses.” And “My client asked me if I could settle her personal injury case before lunch. I told her ‘Justice is blind, not fast food.'”

No list of legal practice puns would be complete without mentioning the courtroom. “Did you hear about the attorney who was running late to court because his car got a flat tire? 

He wanted to file a motion to continue, but couldn’t get one in time.” Or “I’m pretty sure this trial is unconstitutional. I object!”

Lawyers work long hours under a lot of pressure, so having a sense of humor helps get through the day. 

Though legal practice often involves weighty matters, lawyers need to see the lighter side when they can. These legal puns and jokes shed some comedic light on lawyers’ daily experiences.

Lawyer Puns In Marketing

Law firms and legal professionals can get quite creative when it comes to branding and marketing campaigns. 

Clever puns and wordplay are often utilized to grab attention and convey the services offered. For example, many law firms incorporate legal terms into their practice name or slogan. 

The personal injury firm Cellino & Barnes used the catchy slogan “Don’t Wait – Call 8!” Another injury law firm based in Philadelphia is called The Beasley Firm, a pun on the term “The Beatles.”

Billboards and print ads for lawyers also rely on puns and humorous messaging. A billboard for a local law firm stated “Life’s Short, Get A Divorce” while another read “Injured? We Will Add Insult to Injury!” 

Some firms use cheeky slogans like “We Sue For You” or “We’ll Fight For Your Rights So You Don’t Have To.” 

A slogan used by a New York law firm stated “Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, But Three Rights Make A Left.” Puns based on legal terms like “We’ll go to court for you” and “We have an appeal-ing legal team” are also seen.

Overall, lawyer puns allow firms to showcase their experience in a memorable and lighthearted way. 

The strategic use of humor makes the law seem more accessible and helps firms connect with potential clients. 

Legal marketing puns need creativity, but deliver rewards when executed. They capture attention amidst fierce competition while conveying expertise.

Puns From Lawyers

Lawyers work in a serious profession, but they appreciate humor as much as anyone. Many legal professionals come up with their lawyer puns and jokes and share them with colleagues.

Here are some funny examples of original lawyer puns submitted by the lawyers themselves:

“Hear ye, hear ye – court is now in session!” joked the judge as he opened the courtroom doors.

A lawyer walked up to the podium and said “I’m trying to provide plaintiffs with closure in their cases, not plaint-iffs!”

One attorney told his colleague: “I’m getting so bored of all the objections in this trial. I swear, I’m ready to over-rule it!”

A young lawyer was nervous on his first day in court. The judge noticed and said “No need to get all worked up, counselor. I won’t hold you in con-tempt!”

Two lawyers were discussing their tough work schedules. One said “My schedule has been in-sane lately!” The other responded “Yeah, a real mad calendar!”

A lawyer was advising her client on which plea deal to take. She said “It’s time to make a deal that will set you free – no ifs, ands or plea bargains about it!”

At a law firm holiday party, one lawyer joked “I must have been a good attorney this year because Santa Claus is rewarding me with lots of bill-able hours!”

These original puns show that lawyers do have a sense of humor about their work. Creating puns and jokes is one way legal professionals add some levity and comic relief to their intense jobs.

Lawyer Puns On Social Media

Social media has become a hotbed for legal humor and lawyer puns. Clever puns and jokes can go viral on platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Many lawyers and law firms are joining in on the fun by using punny hashtags, captions, and tweets to engage their audiences.

Some popular examples of lawyer puns on social media include:

• This law firm’s Instagram bio: “We sue companies. It’s kind of our thing.”
• A lawyer’s tweet about feeling “punished” by the bar exam.
• A law student on Facebook joking about being “called to the bar…for happy hour.”
• Lawyers debating the correct use of legal terminology by saying “I refute it thus” and “I object!”
• An attorney’s Instagram post with their dog: “I wanted to be a lawyer, but my folks said I should first get a degree.”
• A law firm advertising their services: “Don’t go into court alone. Come with experienced legal counsel…and cell.”

Social media provides the perfect platform for legal professionals to showcase their humor and connect and potential clients through lighthearted puns and jokes. 

The trend of lawyer jokes on social media shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

From Courtrooms To Comedy: FAQs On Lawyer Puns

Conclusion

Lawyer puns and legal humor serve an important purpose in the legal profession.

Though law is serious business, it’s essential for lawyers to be able to laugh at themselves and appreciate the lighter side of their work.

This collection of hilarious lawyer puns covers the gamut from classics to pop culture references. 

We hope you enjoyed this legal laugh fest and will share your favorite lawyer jokes and puns with friends or on social media.

Laughter helps relieve stress and brings colleagues together. So next time you hear a clever law pun, be sure to crack a smile and spread the laughter.

The legal world needs more moments of levity to balance out the gravity of the work lawyers undertake each day in pursuit of justice.

Send along the punniest law jokes you know so we can keep enjoying the humorous side of this honored profession.